Not long ago, I did a review of some Mexican candies. This time, I’m sampling some products from across the Atlantic. My good friend Josh was kind enough to pick up three items for me while perusing the “international foods” section of a supermarket he visited recently. Today, my taste buds shall venture to such exotic locations as Scotland and Poland. Okay, maybe not exotic. But foreign, unless you live in Scotland or Poland. The third product is an energy drink from Sweden. I won’t be drinking it right now, because I’ve got a date with Mr. Sandman in two hours. An energy drink would not be a wise venture right before bed. I’ll probably down it before work tomorrow night, and report back after I’ve given the drink a chance to work it’s magic. Speaking of magic, I’ll be conducting this review while watching the 1982 classic, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. That means some oldschool “Kirstie Allie as a Vulcan” action! And, of course, “KHAAAANNNNN!!!!!”. Oh, and Ricardo Montalban. There, I just alienated half my readers for sure… I should mention that there may be Star Trek II spoilers in this review, for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie. If you haven’t seen the movie…WTF? It’s like, 27 years old. It’s a classic! It had the largest opening weekend gross in history when it came out, and you haven’t seen it. Get with the program, damn. ;P
First up is the Delicje Szampanskie….cookie thing from Poland. The package contains 10 “biscuits”, as the label calls them. The description says “Sponge cake with real raspberry juice in the filling topped with chocolate”. In addition to raspberry juice, there is also artificial raspberry flavoring listed in the ingredients. I’m confused as to why they choose to use both natural and artificial raspberry flavoring, but whatever.
The “sponge cake” is more like a not-so-dense shortbread cookie. A firm, red jelly-ish substance sits on top of the cookie, and is covered in chocolate. The cookies are a bit larger than Oreos. The cookie itself is sweet and kind of airy, but nothing spectacular. The chocolate is also just sort of average. The only thing that stands out about this cookie is the raspberry topping. The flavor is stronger than that of the other two components, and not too bad. What really stands out is the texture of the topping. It’s reminiscent of the jelly in the Bubu Lubu bar from the Mexican Candy Taste Test a while back. It’s somewhere between jelly, and a gummy bear. Just weird, and a little rubbery. It’s texture conflicts with cookie, and I’m not digging it. I won’t lie; I ate the whole package. But I probably wouldn’t purchase this on my own. It’s a decent cookie, but if I want something fruity I’ll go for some of those Pepperidge Farm Verona or Montieri cookies. Just to keep you updated on the movie I’m watching, Spock just sacrificed himself to restore power to the Enterprise. It brings a tear to my eye. Really, it does. Nerds have hearts too, dammit. Awww shit, Kirk just found out that Spock is dying. I have to stop and watch this part. Oh man, Kirk and Spock are trying to hold hands through the window…….Spock just died. Bummer. I’ll pick back up with the reviewing after the funeral scene.
Okay, the movie is over. I just popped in disc 2 of Bloodbath: Wrestlings Most Incredible Steel Cage Matches. And…I just alienated the remaining readers that didn’t leave at the earlier mention of Star Trek. Okay, so for the one reader that might be left, I’m watching the Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty cage match for the IC title from 1993.
The second product is Lees’ Jaffa Bar from Scotland. Yeah, the apostrophe goes after the “s”. I checked. This candy bar is described on the package as “Jaffa Orange Flavoured Fondant Coated in Dark Chocolate”. A Jaffa orange is similar to a Valencia orange, and is native to Israel. Wikipedia can make anyone sound worldly and educated. I’d pull that Jaffa orange tidbit out at a party or something, but Wikipedia didn’t tell me how to pronounce it. It also probably wouldn’t be cool to talk about Israeli fruit at a party….
The instant I opened the wrapper, I was overwhelmed with the smell of decent chocolate and artificial orange scent. The ingredients list Jaffa orange oil, but I don’t know… You can tell by the picture that the fondant center isn’t very orange in color. I’m no fondant expert, but this stuff seemed a little dry and crumbly to me. It doesn’t taste too bad, but it isn’t spectacular. I’ve never been a fan of the orange/chocolate combination, so maybe that’s why I’m not terribly impressed. I think this would be a decent choice for someone who enjoys this flavor combo.
I should note that this candy bar is incredibly sweet and rich. So rich and sweet in fact, that I only ate 1/3 of the bar. I think the rest will probably be going in the garbage. Not because it’s nasty, but because I’m not really into intensely sweet candy. Just too much sugar for my tastebuds. One bar has 47 grams of sugar, which is a shitload more than several of the leading candy bars popular in the US. A Snickers bar has 29 grams of sugar, and a 3 Musketeers bar has 31. So yeah, way more sugary than any candy bar I eat. My stomach feels like it has a lead brick in it, just from that small piece of the bar. Ick.
So, the Raspberry chocolate cookie thing (whose name I’m too lazy to scroll up to recall) was edible, but nothing special. The Jaffa bar was tasty, but entirely too sweet. In the next day or two, I’ll be doing a review on Nexcite energy drink from Sweden. According to Wikipedia, it’s an energy/aphrodisiac drink for women. I found that out just now….hmmm. I did not realize that it was for women when I first received it. I wonder if Josh knew that when he bought it for me. What a dick. Regardless, I will venture into the world of women’s sex drinks shortly. Also, expect a review of the new Green Day album in the next few days.
Seacrest out.
Yeah, that just happened.
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