Popeyes Chicken!

No, I didn’t forget the apostrophe in “Popeyes”; that’s how they spell it.  Recently, my ex-wife Kelli and I (along with her man, Alex) took our kids to the Children’s Museum in Indianapolis for a day of education and fun.  If you live nearby, it’s well worth your time.  That place kicks ass, for realz.  Don’t worry, I was speaking (or typing) facetiously when I said “for realz”.  I don’t really talk like that.  Anyway, after playing at the museum all day, everyone was ready for a filling meal.  We had initially planned on waiting until we got back to town to eat, but the Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen on 38th in Indy caught our eyes.  We’d recently discussed the fact that none of us had ever eaten at Popeyes, and everyone seemed down for some fried bird.  So we made it happen, and am I ever glad!

For starters, the restaurant seemed pretty clean.  There was a children’s area that had books, small toys, and kid-sized chairs.  As a parent of 4, I really appreciated that.  The kids entertained themselves while we ordered food for everyone.  The kid’s meals were reasonably priced at $2.99, so we didn’t break the bank feeding our clan.  I hadn’t eaten all day, so I went for the 3 piece chicken meal, with dark meat.  They offer regular and spicy chicken, and I naturally opted for the spicy.  I chose red beans and rice to go along with my chicken and biscuit.  I ordered some whole pickled jalapenos, simply because I’d never seen them on a side item menu and it seemed novel.  My meal rang up at a little over eight bucks.  Not bad for a 3 piece meal and a drink.  Feast thine eyes upon the treasure:

It was difficult to accurately judge just how spicy the chicken was, because I took a huge bite of one of the jalapenos before anything else.  Yeah, I know.  Some food critic I am….  The chicken was hot, moist and meaty on the inside.  The outside was crispy and pretty much perfect!  Better than KFC, fo sho.  I could see some kind of reddish-orange seasoning occasionally peeking out from beneath the skin, which I’m guessing was the spicy flavoring.  The biscuit was good, but not outstanding.  For a fast food biscuit, it was more than adequate.  Buttery, fresh, and not hard or dry at all.  It reminded me of a Hardee’s biscuit, which isn’t a bad thing.  The jalapenos were, well….pickled jalapenos.  It’s kinda hard to screw those up.  Open the jar, dump them in the styrofoam bowl.  Mission accomplished.

The real star of this meal was the red beans and rice.  I’ll be completely honest and admit that I’d never had this particular iconic Creole dish before.  So maybe a fast food place isn’t the best spot to have my first taste.  I may not be a Lousiana food expert, but dammit, I know what I like.  And I like Popeyes red beans and rice.  I could make a meal out of that stuff, seriously.  The beans had a wonderful smoky pork flavor, and went perfectly with the steamed rice.  Shit, my mouth is watering again just typing this.  The chicken was good, but this stuff wins the gold medal.  I’m kind of pissed off that there’s no Popeyes in my city, because I want some more red beans and rice.  I’m not sure if I want to try making the stuff myself, so I may just have to wait for another excuse to go to Indianapolis.

The kids all had fried chicken with mashed potatoes, which received thumbs up from them.  Kelli dug her chicken, as well.  She did mention that the mashed potatoes had a strange, uniform lumpiness to them that she didn’t care for.  She said it seemed as if the lumps were purposely put into the mashed potatoes.  Hmmm…worth noting.  Alex ordered fried catfish, and was kind enough to tear me off a chunk.  It was excellent, from what I could tell.  The breading had a good cajun flavor, and wasn’t overly salty.  I may give it a shot next time.

Our cashier was friendly, and didn’t screw up our order.  I should mention that, because it’s an important part of the restaurant experience.  We even sang a verse of “Lump” by the Presidents of the United States of America together when it came on the radio in the restaurant.  I would have given her a hug, if it weren’t for the counter between us.  Well that, and the fact that she probably would have thought I was weird and thrown me out of the restaurant.  Yeah, so maybe not the hug.  A high five perhaps?  Maybe I’ll just respect that customer/cashier barrier that exists in most circumstances.  The one thing I have to deduct points for is the restroom.  It was in pretty sad shape, but not any worse than you’d find in any gas station.  The knob on the sink came off when I turned it on to wash my hands.  I thought about stealing it, but quickly remembered that I’m 29.

If Popeyes were a grade school student and my dining experience was a homework assignment turned in to me, the teacher, I’d give it a 93%.  Good job, Popeyes.  You get an “A”, and a little “scratch and sniff” sticker that has a monkey eating a banana on it.  The sticker says “I’m bananas for you!” and smells like bananas.  Popeyes wins

As a super special bonus for putting up with my meandering, often annoyingly aimless product reviews, I’m including a list of the songs that played on my Ipod while I wrote this review.  I’m not sure if that’s really any kind of bonus or not, but it’s happening.  Enjoy:

Ace of Base – The Sign

Juliana Hatfield – Necessito

Toto – Africa

Rocky Horror Show (original Roxy cast) – Time Warp

Devin Townsend – Truth

Concrete Blonde – The Sky is a Poisonous Garden

Spacehog – The Horror

Pearl Jam – Hail Hail

Minor Threat – Straight Edge

Tiamat – Angel Holograms

Amon Amarth – With Oden on Our Side

Wu-Tang Clan – Da Mystery of Chessboxin’

Britney Spears – Stronger

Faith No More – The Last To Know

The Reluctant McDonald’s Angus Burger Review

Reluctant?  Yup.  And I’ll tell you why.  I made a late night run to McD’s, and saw that the local store finally has the new Angus Third Pounder burgers available!  I’m a sucker for new products, so of course I decided to partake.  The Angus Bacon and Cheese burger looked like a potential winner, so I ordered it.  The girl at the drive-thru window was particularly friendly, and we chatted for a bit while I waited for my heart attack in a bag to be prepared.  Five minutes later, I was staring at the wrong burger.  Those dirty bastards had given me the Mushroom and Swiss burger!  I’m not a mushroom and swiss person usually.  The last time I had one was the portobello and swiss burger from Steak ‘n Shake, and that was a horrible experience I won’t ever go through again.  I can still taste that awful turdburger, and it’s been months.  Anyway, I’m a little reluctant to go ahead with this review, since it’s not what I intended.  BUT…

Rather than piss and moan over the wrong burger, I decided to just go for it.  Lemonade from lemons and all that, you know.  Here’s a photo of my non-bacon and cheese burger, after one bite:

Before I delve into the actual review of the sandwich, I should mention that I’ll NEVER pat McDonald’s on the back unless they really deserve it.  There are a few fast food joints that I favor, and McDonald’s isn’t one of them.  They just don’t often impress me.  So when they do try something new, it had better be pretty damned good.

And…..it was!  This burger is surprisingly excellent for something from McDonald’s.  The bun was nothing to rave about, but it did it’s job just fine.  No complaints at all there.  The mushrooms were not smothered in brown gravy, which was a very welcome change from many fast food ’shroom and swiss offerings.  I don’t enjoy flavorless mushrooms swimming in salty brown goo.  No sir, I don’t like it.  These mushrooms were all on their own, and quite tasty.  The swiss cheese was the real deal, too.  It really pisses me off when a fast food restaurant claims to have swiss cheese on a sandwich, and it’s pretty much the equivalent of white american cheese.  No texture, no flavor.  That is B.S., and I won’t stand for it.  I’ve seen Wendy’s do that crap, and I expect more from them.  McD’s actually sprung for REAL swiss cheese on this burger, and it made all the difference in the world.  I can’t stress how pleased I am to see actual swiss on a fast food burger.  Big bonus points there.  In addition to the cheese and mushrooms, there was also a decent touch of mayonnaise.  Now, on to one of the most important points…the meat.  Was it dry?  Was it too greasy?  Did it have any flavor at all?  The anticipation was killing me.  Considering this burger came from McDonald’s, I was really impressed.  It had a good beef flavor, and it was well seasoned.  A little salt and pepper, but not too much.  The burger was juicy, but not greasy.  I’m sure the amount of grease and seasoning will vary a bit from burger to burger, but this one was an all-out winner.  I couldn’t have imagined this thing turning out as well as it did.  My expectations were fairly low, though.  Considering that I’m not a mushroom ‘n swiss fan at all, I’m surprised at how much I liked this sandwich.  I could see myself ordering another one, and that’s saying a lot.  I don’t know if this burger beats out the Steakhouse XT from BK, but it’s a contender for sure.

My midnight trip to McDonald’s was mostly a success.  I’ve worked in the food service industry before, so I understand that mistakes are made from time to time.  I’m not going to be a bitch about getting the wrong burger.  If I’d noticed the mistake before I got home, I may have turned around and taken care of it.  The service was fast and friendly, and the food was good.  My fries were about an 8, with a 10 being the best McDonald’s fries I’ve had.  I’m going to have to give McDonald’s a gold star this time.  I wish I’d gotten the right sandwich, but their mistake turned out to be a nice surprise.

Mama Mary’s Pizza Crusts

Marco made a run to the gas station for coffee while we were at work last night and brought me back a french vanilla cappucino.  It was delicious.  I’m not usually a coffee person, but that hit the spot.  I almost felt like I was drinking dessert.  But this review isn’t about cappucino.  I just wanted to share that with you.  Don’t you feel like we’re a little bit closer now?  I do.

I’ve purchased Mama Mary’s pre-baked pizza crusts for a while now, and I’m ready to share my thoughts.  They’re available in 7 and 12 inch sizes, and come in several varieties.  I’ve only purchased the 7 inch traditional crusts, so I’ll focus on them for this review.  I bought a 3 pack of the 7 inch crusts at Wal-Mart for just under three dollars.  They work out to somewhere between 80-90 cents per crust.  In other words, really cheap.  I always keep random pizza ingredients on hand so I can throw together a quick pie whenever the mood strikes me.  Today, I made a grilled chicken pizza with green peppers and onions.  Nothing too fancy, but it was tasty.  The instructions on the Mama Mary’s package suggests topping your crust with whatever, and baking it in a 450 F oven for 7-10 minutes.  I usually go 8 or 9 minutes, but it really just depends on your oven. Don’t bother with a pizza pan, either.  These do just fine placed directly on the rack.

Regarding nutrition, this isn’t the healthiest option in the grocery store.  Just don’t eat them all the time and it’s no big deal.  Each crust contains 374 calories, and 12 grams of fat.  The package says that a serving is 1/2 of a pizza crust, but I eat the whole thing.  Then again, I usually don’t have anything with the pizza.  If I were having a salad or some bread or something, 1/2 a pizza might do the trick.

A pizza crust is an incredibly versatile foundation for a meal.  You can put just about anything on a pizza that you can imagine.  The fact that these crusts are ready to go out of the bag is a BIG bonus.  I keep mine in the freezer, and just take one out whenever I need it.  The crusts crisp up nicely in the oven if you leave them in long enough, and the taste is exceptional for a pre-baked crust.  The flavor is slightly sweet, but doesn’t overpower the rest of the pizza.  These crusts will hold up to a heavy load of toppings, too.  I haven’t ever had the sauce soak through the crust and turn it into a soggy mess.  I’ve made 8 or 10 pizzas using these crusts, and I haven’t been let down yet.  This is a consistent product that’s well worth the price.  I’ve tried other pre-baked crusts, and Mama Mary’s is definitely my favorite.  Making your own pizza is a lot of fun, but going the homemade dough route adds a lot of time and effort to the process.  If you have the time, that’s great.  But using a pre-baked crust makes this task easier and more accessible.  If you can chop vegetables and open a pepperoni package, you can handle making your own pizza.  Keep a package of these in your freezer, and keep them in mind when various leftovers end up in your fridge.  You might come up with some pretty badass pizza ideas.

Bonus tip: (because you’ve been such a good reader today)

Pre-baked pizza crusts make a great start for a fun dinner project with kids, too.  Get some cheese, sauce, veggies, and whatever else your kids like, and let them have at it.  My kids always get a kick out of making their own pizzas by adding sauce and toppings to the crusts, and watching their creations bake in the oven.  It’s a good way to get your kids familiar with cooking, without having to worry about making a huge mess or severing their poor little fingers with sharp knives.  You know, because that would be bad.

WoW Mountain Dew!

Mountain Dew has their fingers in the “hardcore gamer” market again, ladies and gents.  You may remember when the Halo 3 Game Fuel version of Mt. Dew appeared back in 2007.  It was a cherry-citrus flavored Dew, and was a limited edition.  The Game Fuel tag is back on the bottles again, along with some fancy new World of Warcraft graphics.  The marketing folks at the Pepsi corporation realize that the hardcore WoW players need their caffeine/sugar fix.  While there are certainly more appropriate beverages on the market for gamers looking for a jolt, Mt. Dew is cheap and readily available.  So, the flashy bottle graphics are accounted for.  But once the gamers buy a bottle, is the taste enough to keep them coming back for more?  I plunked down two of my hard-earned dollars (lol) to find out.

I should point out that I’ve never, ever played World of Warcraft.  I know that the Alliance are the good guys, and the Horde are the bad guys.  That is the extent of my knowledge on the subject.  I don’t know WoW, but I know soda.  And considering that the game influence ends with the packaging, I think I’m qualified to bang the gavel on this subject.

Behold, Mountain Dew Game Fuel Alliance Blue:

As you can see from the photographs, this Dew sports a pointy-eared blue chick.  Feel free to enlighten me as to the name/race/etc. of this lady if you’re in the know.  I’ll promise to remember it for a minute or two.  Aside from the sweet graphics, this variety of Mt. Dew features a “punch of wild fruit flavor”.  If the description were more honest, it would say “Mountain Dew with a shot of Hawaiian Punch”.  Because that’s exactly what it tastes like.  But believe me, that’s not a bad thing.  It took me  a few sips to come to the conclusion that there’s a distinct “fruit punch” flavor to this drink.  It’s a simple idea, yes.  It’s also a fantastic idea, fo sho.  Most of the gimmicky, limited edition flavors that come out just don’t have enough appeal to warrant a repeat purchase.  This stuff, however, has some good replay value (to put it in video game terms).  If I drank sugared sodas regularly, I’d buy a case of this stuff.  Alas, I’m a diet soda drinker.  I may make an exception once a week or so, and splurge on a bottle of the Alliance Blue until it’s gone.  Certainly better than the last bright blue soda I had. Thumbs up for the Alliance Blue flavor!
Now, the rest of the story…..(anybody get that reference?)

This, my friends, is Game Fuel Horde Red:

I bought this one a couple of days after the Alliance Blue, and I forgot to take a picture this time.  Google Image Search saved the day, though.  Sorry.  Anyway, this Dew also has cool imagery.  Not sure what Nancy Grace has to do with WoW, though……  Hey, cut me some slack.  Not all the jokes can be winners.  “A blast of citrus cherry flavor” awaits you inside the bottle, or so says the label.  Citrus cherry?  Isn’t that the same flavor they advertised on the Halo 3 Mountain Dew a couple years ago?  Yup.  That means this is the same soda they had back then.  Guess what?  It still sucks just as much now as it did the first time.  I remember how much I disliked the Halo 3 Game Fuel, and this tastes exactly the same.  They just pulled out the old recipe card and slapped a new label on it.  I really don’t like this flavor at all.  It tastes kind of like they soaked the bitter rind of oranges in Mt. Dew Code Red.  Not exactly, but that’s the best description I could come up with.  It’s just not a good flavor, and I’m a little bit disappointed that the flavor was just re-released.  As far as I know, the Alliance Blue is a new flavor.  Why half-ass this promotion and repackage an old flavor?  I guess it’s not really a big deal, but they can still suck it.  If they were going to revive a discontinued flavor, why not go with Pitch Black II?  That was one of my favorite soda flavor variants EVER.  The first Pitch Black wasn’t that great, but the sequel?  Come on, that was the real deal.  Sour grape Mountain Dew may not sound good in print, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t work magic on my taste buds.  Here are a few highlights of my vision for a perfect world:  Blues Brothers 2000 would never have been made, there would still be a Target store in my town, and Mountain Dew Pitch Black II would be a regular flavor in the Dew arsenal.  Oh, and pizza wouldn’t make you fat.

So, Mt. Dew scores a win and a loss this time around.  I’m wondering what soda brands would have tie-ins with some of the less hardcore video games on the market….   3 words:  Minesweeper Diet Rite.  I’d buy it.  Don’t even act like you wouldn’t.

Apple Ipod Classic 120 GB

I’ve had my Ipod for a couple of weeks now, which I think is enough evaluation time for a product review.  If it takes a shit in another week or something, I’ll let you know.  I purchased the black version of the latest (7th generation) Ipod classic.  With a 120 GB hard drive, this thing dwarfs the 30 GB Ipod I used to have in terms of storage space.  Apple says it’s less than half an inch thick, but I’m not going to get out a measuring tape to verify that.  It’s thin enough for me, and that’s all that matters (that’s what she said).  Apple also claims that this Ipod will hold up to 30,000 songs, 150 hours of video, or 25,000 photos.  But we all know that those numbers are total crap, because they’re based on file sizes that Apple decided upon to make the storage space look better.  I know all about their trickery though, so I pay no attention to their flashy numbers.  I know that 120 GB is enough to store my music, lots of photos, and some music videos.  If 120 GB isn’t enough to hold all of your music, maybe you should consider cutting out your expansive Yanni and Kenny G live bootleg collection.  Do you really need to carry that shit around with you all the time, just in case you happen to run into someone else someday who is a freakishly devoted fan of either of the aforementioned artists?  Even then, what are you going to do?  Pull out your Ipod and proudly show off your hours and hours of concert audio recorded on a shitty digital voice recorder, only to have the other guy go “Pssshhhhh, I have all that AND a used condom from Kenny G’s hotel room in Tokyo.”?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  Besides, we all know Kenny G doesn’t wrap it up.  He goes bareback all the way, baby.

So we’ve established that this Ipod definitely has a lot to offer in the storage department.  I have all of the music from my computer’s hard drive, most of my photos, and several music videos, and I’ve still got 69 GB free.  I think I”m going to start putting some full-length movies on there, just in case I’m suddenly and unexpectedly trapped somewhere for several hours without any entertainment.  For the most part, the latest Ipod is pretty similar to the previous release.  The 2.5 inch screen looks great, and is plenty big enough to watch video on.  There’s a nifty feature called Cover Flow that allows you to browse through your music collection by viewing the album covers.  That is, assuming you have album art for all your music, which I don’t.  So I can browse through my music by viewing a bunch of “generic music note” thumbnails with an actual album art thumbnail image every once in a while.  Yeah, I’m totally organized.  The main menu is split in half, so that the right half of the screen shows random images from your Ipod.  Kinda cool.  Apple opted for a nice-looking anodized aluminum faceplate this time, instead of the easy-to-scratch glossy black polycarbonate of Ipods past.  The aluminum has a nice “matte” look.  And they replaced the white version with silver.  I thought that one looked nice as well, but I ultimately went with the black one.  The Ipod also comes with 3 games onboard.  Iquiz is a pretty fun trivia game with decent graphics and sound.  Vortex is a mildly addictive game that’s somewhat similar to the classic “brick breaker” games that have been around for years.  Klondike is some dumbass card game that I haven’t bothered playing because card games are generally about as interesting to me as Shaq’s acting career.  Well, with the exception of that skit he did with Tracy Morgan on SNL years ago.  You know, the one where Tracy Morgan was his dad, and Shaq came home after his curfew.  That was good TV.  But everything else is uninteresting.  That’s the point I was trying to get across.

The battery life is more than adequate for my needs.  I charge my Ipod every day while I’m asleep, and I haven’t had it run out of juice on me between charges yet.  I think I could easily get 2 or 3 days of use out of it before I needed to charge it, if it weren’t for that pesky FM transmitter I have to use at work.  That thing saps the Ipod’s battery life pretty quickly.  I use the Ipod at work for 8 hours, 5 nights a week and it always does a good job of providing my coworkers and I with the tunes.  This brings me to the two problems I have with the Ipod, one of which is more of a problem with Itunes.  I have a playlist of roughly 600 songs that I uses specifically for work.  We get tired of hearing the douchebag night DJ’s on the local radio station, and it’s a pain in the ass to have to change CD’s every hour or so.  That’s where my Ipod and it’s wonderful playlist created by yours truly comes in to save the day.  My playlist was carefully crafted with everyone’s interests in mind.  I spent hours on it, and I’m always tweaking, adjusting, and adding to it.  I’m very proud of my work playlist.  It’s a masterpiece, and I think it deserves many gold stars.  The problem is this:  The Ipod’s shuffle function kind of sucks.  I’ve used the Ipod at work at least a dozen full work days now, and the shuffle feature just doesn’t work that well.  I understand that it can’t be perfect.  But even when I take that into account, I’m still disappointed.  The Ipod played “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” by The Police twice in the course of 3o minutes the other day.  Out of 600 songs, it plays that twice within a half hour.  Also, there are songs on the playlist that I’ve yet to hear even once.  There are approximately 38 hours of music on the work playlist, and that playlist has been run for at least 100 hours total.  I’m starting to think that the Ipod is neglecting some of the songs for some reason.   The Ipod will play some bands over and over in the course of a night, and never play others.  I understand that if there are a dozen Green Day songs on the list, and only 3 by Dead Milkmen, it’s going to play more Green Day over time.  I factor that kind of shit in, and it’s still screwing me over on some songs.  It’s not a huge problem, but it is definitely annoying.

My other big problem might have more to do with Itunes than the Ipod itself.  There’s this feature that Itunes and the Ipod both have called Sound Check.  This feature is supposed to adjust the playback of all the songs to the same volume level.  And guess what?  It doesn’t work.  Not one bit.  We set the volume on the stereo at work to a certain level, and it sounds good.  Then Guns ‘N Roses comes on, and nobody can hear it.  But when any Green Day song that’s not on the “1,039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours” CD comes on, it’s louder than shit.  I could go and manually adjust the volume of all those songs, but that’s a huge pain in the ass that Apple is supposed to be taking care of for me.  Sound Check doesn’t work, and it pisses me off.  If you know of something I can do about this, help me out.  It’s annoying.

Aside from the two problems I mentioned, the Ipod is just fine.  I am happy that I can carry around my entire music collection in my pocket.  I bought a nice little rubber case and a screen protector to take care of the Ipod.  I also got a nice little padded cradle thing to hold the Ipod while I’m driving.  It clips onto the air vent on the dash of my uber-cool 1998 Ford Windstar.  I get all sorts of tail in that thing, believe me.  Nothing screams “hip and available” like a forest green minivan.  I may not drive a sweet car, but dammit I’ve got my music.

The 120 GB Ipod runs for about $250, but I’ve seen it at Wal-Mart and on Amazon for 20 bucks cheaper.  If you’re in the market for a new audio/video player, I’m giving the new Ipod Classic the thumbs up.  For a full run-down of all the specs and details on this Ipod, go here.

Delicje Cookies and Jaffa Bar: More Imported Goodies :)

Not long ago, I did a review of some Mexican candies.  This time, I’m sampling some products from across the Atlantic.  My good friend Josh was kind enough to pick up three items for me while perusing the “international foods” section of a supermarket he visited recently.  Today, my taste buds shall venture to such exotic locations as Scotland and Poland.  Okay, maybe not exotic.  But foreign, unless you live in Scotland or Poland.  The third product is an energy drink from Sweden.  I won’t be drinking it right now, because I’ve got a date with Mr. Sandman in two hours.  An energy drink would not be a wise venture right before bed.  I’ll probably down it before work tomorrow night, and report back after I’ve given the drink a chance to work it’s magic.   Speaking of magic, I’ll be conducting this review while watching the 1982 classic, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.  That means some oldschool “Kirstie Allie as a Vulcan” action!  And, of course, “KHAAAANNNNN!!!!!”.  Oh, and Ricardo Montalban.  There, I just alienated half my readers for sure…  I should mention that there may be Star Trek II spoilers in this review, for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie.  If you haven’t seen the movie…WTF?  It’s like, 27 years old.  It’s a classic!  It had the largest opening weekend gross in history when it came out, and you haven’t seen it.  Get with the program, damn.  ;P

First up is the Delicje Szampanskie….cookie thing from Poland.  The package contains 10 “biscuits”, as the label calls them.  The description says “Sponge cake with real raspberry juice in the filling topped with chocolate”.  In addition to raspberry juice, there is also artificial raspberry flavoring listed in the ingredients.  I’m confused as to why they choose to use both natural and artificial raspberry flavoring, but whatever.

The “sponge cake” is more like a not-so-dense shortbread cookie.  A firm, red jelly-ish substance sits on top of the cookie, and is covered in chocolate.  The cookies are a bit larger than Oreos.  The cookie itself is sweet and kind of airy, but nothing spectacular.  The chocolate is also just sort of average.  The only thing that stands out about this cookie is the raspberry topping.  The flavor is stronger than that of the other two components, and not too bad.  What really stands out is the texture of the topping.  It’s reminiscent of the jelly in the Bubu Lubu bar from the Mexican Candy Taste Test a while back.  It’s somewhere between jelly, and a gummy bear.  Just weird, and a little rubbery.  It’s texture conflicts with cookie, and I’m not digging it.  I won’t lie; I ate the whole package.  But I probably wouldn’t purchase this on my own.  It’s a decent cookie, but if I want something fruity I’ll go for some of those Pepperidge Farm Verona or Montieri cookies.  Just to keep you updated on the movie I’m watching, Spock just sacrificed himself to restore power to the Enterprise.  It brings a tear to my eye.  Really, it does.  Nerds have hearts too, dammit.  Awww shit, Kirk just found out that Spock is dying.  I have to stop and watch this part.  Oh man, Kirk and Spock are trying to hold hands through the window…….Spock just died.  Bummer.  I’ll pick back up with the reviewing after the funeral scene.

Okay, the movie is over.  I just popped in disc 2 of Bloodbath: Wrestlings Most Incredible Steel Cage Matches.  And…I just alienated the remaining readers that didn’t leave at the earlier mention of Star Trek.  Okay, so for the one reader that might be left, I’m watching the Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty cage match for the IC title from 1993.

The second product is Lees’ Jaffa Bar from Scotland.  Yeah, the apostrophe goes after the “s”.  I checked.  This candy bar is described on the package as “Jaffa Orange Flavoured Fondant Coated in Dark Chocolate”.  A Jaffa orange is similar to a Valencia orange, and is native to Israel.  Wikipedia can make anyone sound worldly and educated.  I’d pull that Jaffa orange tidbit out at a party or something, but Wikipedia didn’t tell me how to pronounce it.  It also probably wouldn’t be cool to talk about Israeli fruit at a party….

The instant I opened the wrapper, I was overwhelmed with the smell of decent chocolate and artificial orange scent.  The ingredients list Jaffa orange oil, but I don’t know…  You can tell by the picture that the fondant center isn’t very orange in color.  I’m no fondant expert, but this stuff seemed a little dry and crumbly to me.  It doesn’t taste too bad, but it isn’t spectacular.  I’ve never been a fan of the orange/chocolate combination, so maybe that’s why I’m not terribly impressed.  I think this would be a decent choice for someone who enjoys this flavor combo.

I should note that this candy bar is incredibly sweet and rich.  So rich and sweet in fact, that I only ate 1/3 of the bar.  I think the rest will probably be going in the garbage.  Not because it’s nasty, but because I’m not really into intensely sweet candy.  Just too much sugar for my tastebuds.  One bar has 47 grams of sugar, which is a shitload more than several of the leading candy bars popular in the US.  A Snickers bar has 29 grams of sugar, and a 3 Musketeers bar has 31.  So yeah, way more sugary than any candy bar I eat.  My stomach feels like it has a lead brick in it, just from that small piece of the bar.  Ick.

So, the Raspberry chocolate cookie thing (whose name I’m too lazy to scroll up to recall) was edible, but nothing special.  The Jaffa bar was tasty, but entirely too sweet.  In the next day or two, I’ll be doing a review on Nexcite energy drink from Sweden.  According to Wikipedia, it’s an energy/aphrodisiac drink for women.  I found that out just now….hmmm.  I did not realize that it was for women when I first received it.  I wonder if Josh knew that when he bought it for me.  What a dick.  Regardless, I will venture into the world of women’s sex drinks shortly.  Also, expect a review of the new Green Day album in the next few days.
Seacrest out.

Yeah, that just happened.

Stride Gum: Sweet Cinnamon

I’ve never been much of a gum chewer, but I’ll buy the occasional pack.  When I do, it’s always sugarless gum.  I can’t stand the idea of pummeling my teeth with intense amounts of sugar for a long period of time, so I stick to the sugar-free varieties.

Stride’s Sweet Cinnamon offering is certainly worth a chew if you’re a fan of cinnamon gum.  Manufacturers perfected sugarless gum long ago, in my opinion.  Stride doesn’t taste like it has artificial sweetener, and neither do any of the other major players in the sugarless gum market.  As far as the cinnamon flavor, think “Big Red” without the heat.  Though I am a BIG fan of hot and spicy foods, I don’t really like the heat that goes along with many cinnamon candies and gums. Big Red, Red Hot candies, and Atomic Fireball jawbreakers all boast a hot cinnamon flavor, and I’m not a fan of any of them.  But Stride has produced a great tasting cinnamon gum without that burn.

That being said, I do have to blow the whistle on gum’s one major fault.  The flavor never lasts long enough.  I don’t care what brand you have, and I don’t care what bold claims the manufacturer makes.  No chewing gum on the market is immune to rapid flavor loss.  Cheap, shitty gum loses it’s flavor after 5 minutes if you’re lucky.  Good gum…you might get 10 or 15 at the most.  After that, you’re left with nothing but a puny aftertaste.  A pale and fading reminder of what the gum was just moments ago.  And for me, it’s just not worth it very often.  Stride’s Sweet Cinnamon remained enjoyable for about 15 minutes, which is good by my standards.  But not good enough to purchase another pack as soon as this one’s gone.   I can’t chew gum every day.  After the flavor goes, it’s just a chore.  “Why am I chewing this?”  Sure, it might help clean your teeth and dislodge whatever crap might be lodged between them from your last meal.  You know what else does that?  A toothbrush.  And you don’t have to chomp on a toothbrush for 15 minutes to get the job done.  Gum just isn’t really worth the trouble for me.  It’s a nice treat once in a while, and my kids absolutely love the stuff.  But I think I’ll stick to my habit of buying gum once every 3 or 4 weeks.

Bottom line:  Good flavor, and it lasts as long as any other decent gum.  Compared to other brands, I’d give this a thumbs up.  But it’s still just gum.

Mexican Candy Taste Test!

I got my hands on some funky Mexican candy recently.  It was suggested by a friend that I do a taste test of each of the candies, and report the results here on the blog.  So guess what?  I’m going to do just that.  I don’t know where you could find this stuff, but I’d be willing to bet that a Mexican grocery store would be a good place to start.  The confections I’ll be reviewing here came from a preschool class birthday party, thanks to a little Hispanic girl who brought treat bags for all her classmates (which included my kids!)

Here’s a photo of the suspects together:

L to R – Bubu Lubu cookie things, Pico candy, Bubbaloo gum, de la Rosa Peanuts Confection, Semafora Lollipop, and Duvalin milk candy.

First up is Bubbaloo liquid-filled gum.

Bubbaloo is manufactured by the same company that makes Cadbury Eggs, so it’s not nearly as exotic as it seemed at first glance.  Apparently though, this gum is hot shit in Mexico and Brazil.  I’ve never seen it before, so I’m allowing it to stand under the “Mexican Candy” banner with the other participants.  Bubbaloo is no different than any other liquid-centered gum, really.  It was quite soft, and had a tiny pocket of strawberry-flavored goo in the middle.  The goo wasn’t very strongly flavored, and didn’t add much to the experience.  As with any other gum, the flavor weakened and became annoying within 5 minutes or so.  Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy good gum.  But regardless of any bold claims made by any manufacturer, ALL gum starts to suck after just a few minutes.  It becomes more of a chore than a pleasurable experience once the flavor loses it’s potency.  And this gum did just that.  It was in the trash before I started typing this paragraph.  I’ll give it a rating of “average” as far as gum goes.

Next comes Semaforo:

Semaforo translates to “traffic light”, which makes sense after looking at the graphic on the packaging.  The manufacturer attempted to make a lollipop which looked like a traffic light, and they succeeded for the most part.  Though I can’t deny that this sucker looks like multicolored anal beads.  There, I said it.  You were thinking it, and I said it.  Don’t judge me.

The red light tastes like pineapple.  The yellow light may or may not taste like coconut.  I’m not sure if my mind just went to coconut because of the pina colada connection, or if it actually tastes like it.  The green light undoubtedly tastes like green apple.  So, pineapple, coconut (maybe), and green apple.  Odd combination?  Yes.  Does it work?  Sure.  It’s not a bad lollipop.  Kind of awkward to eat, but the novelty probably appeals to the little ones.  I didn’t finish this candy, because I’m just not really down with suckers.  They take entirely too long to eat, and the thought of that sugar just mucking up my mouth for so long is gross.  Decent sucker, though.

Pico is in the house next.

I’ve heard bad things about Pico, and I considered saving it for last in case it killed me.  But I’m going to go ahead and get it out of the way.  I don’t want to end this taste testravaganza on what would surely be a bad note, had I decided to put this one at the end of the line.  I’ve had something similar in the past, and it was very unenjoyable.  I’m not sure how to classify this candy.  I guess I’ll call it flavored sugar crystals.  As I type this sentence, I’ve yet to taste the stuff.  Opening……oh, this doesn’t smell appetizing at all.  Tasting……..NO.  Not appetizing in the slightest.  It tastes like salt and sugar mixed with chili powder and a bit of strawberry flavoring.  That’s just not good in any way at all.  Somebody’s eating this crap, but not me.  I just threw 90% of the tiny packet in the trash.  I’ll not make that mistake again.  Spread the word.

de la Rosa Peanut Confection?   Don’t mind if I do.

This candy appears to be a bar of decorative soap made of pressed sawdust.  It’s ingredients are simply peanuts, sugar, and artificial flavoring.  No sawdust?  Hmmm…..somebody’s hiding something.  But dammit, this candy is good.  The best yet, by a long shot.  It’s difficult to eat, considering this is what happens the instant you open the package and even think about touching the candy:

I’m not kidding; that shit just completely disintegrated the instant I tried to pick it up.  Remember the scene in Terminator 2 when that truck crashes and spills liquid nitrogen everywhere?  The nitrogen freezes T-1000, and Ahnold shatters his ass into a million pieces?  It was kind of like that when I touched the candy.  Only maybe a bit less dramatic, and the peanut candy wasn’t Robert Patrick.  All that aside, this candy kicks ass.  It tastes like powdered sugar with ground peanuts mixed in.  It made a big fucking mess, but I’d eat another one in a heartbeat.  I hope I don’t see these in a store somewhere, or I’m going to be getting fat real quick. Big thumbs up on this one.  If you see it somewhere, give it a try.  I’m gonna have to vacuum the floor before my peanut-allergic son comes over again, or else he’s going to break out the minute he sets foot in my bedroom.  That shit is everywhere.

Duvalin milk candy, come on down.

This is an interesting format for a candy.  It’s almost like a cake icing or dip, and it reminds me of those little single-serving plastic trays with cheese spread and crackers that I used to eat when I was a kid.  I’m assuming this was supposed to come with some kind of tiny plastic spoon to dip the candy out with, but I didn’t get one.  What a bunch of bullshit.  This is like the time I brought yogurt to work for my lunch, but forgot the spoon.  I’ll just lick it out of the plastic tray like the cavemen used to.  I mean, the kitchen is all the way downstairs.  I’m not going all the way down there just because some jerk at the Duvalin factory fell asleep on the job.

The hazelnut is decent, and reminds me just a little bit of nutella.  The remaining three flavors (strawberry, cajeta, and vanilla) were all smooshed together, so I couldn’t get a proper taste of any of them.  But the newly formed flavor that I’ve labeld “cajetanillaberry” wasn’t too bad at all.  Despite feeling like I was eating cake frosting straight out of the can, I think this candy gets a thumbs up.  I’d like it better if I didn’t have to lick it out of the tray like a dirty savage.  You know what would have exceeded in that capacity?   A little fucking plastic spoon.  Thanks for dropping the ball, Duvalin.  Now we’re going to lose the game.  Learn how to catch, asshole.  You are so off the team.

The main event for this review is Bubu Lubu:

What did Bubu Lubu do to achieve main event status?  No, it didn’t win a 60-minute Iron Man match against Bret “The Hitman” Hart.  It didn’t make it all the way to the end of a grueling, 3 day long Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots tournament.  I just saved it for last because I like the package.  It looks fancy.

Bubu Lubu is strawberry-flavored jelly and marshmallow sandwiched together and coated in chocolate.  Bubu Lubu is also bad candy.  The strawberry jelly is forgettable and bland.  The marshmallow is….well, marshmallow.  You can’t put marshmallow in a candy bar, in my opinion.  It’s not strong enough to hold it’s own against any other ingredients.  If this candy bar were a cancelled game show, it would be The Weakest Link.  And guess who the weakest link would be?  Yup.  The marshmallow.  The chocolate coating tastes very fake.  So, a shitty candy bar all around.  Thumbs way down for Bubu Lubu.  I had high hopes, but it let me down.  The goofy white character with the red t-shirt on the package wrote a check that the candy inside couldn’t cash.  Back to the drawing board for Bubu Lubu.

Well, that was a fun experience.  I’d like to do it again sometime, with another genre of products.  Maybe something that isn’t edible.  Send me some suggestions if you can think of anything that might be fun or entertaining.  I’m giving a gold star to the de la Rosa Peanuts Confection.  I’d have given it a gold star and a smiley face sticker, but it made a big mess that I have to clean up.  So just the gold star.  Pico and Bubu Lubu were just disappointing in all aspects, and I shan’t be inviting them over to dinner anymore.  They did the equivalent of a guest pissing all over your toilet seat and not bothering to wipe up the mess.  That’s rude, and I won’t stand for it.  Suck it, Bubu Lubu and Pico.

Blair’s Original Death Sauce!

Just a friendly warning:  the following isn’t so much a review, as it is a few paragraphs of me sucking the mighty shaft of the best hot sauce in the universe.  Seriously, I have nothing bad to say about this stuff.  So yeah, read on.

I first encountered Blair’s products a few years ago after ordering some online.  Since then, I’ve yet to find a better hot sauce.  And believe me, it’s not from a lack of trying.  I’m a bit of a hot sauce connoisseur, and I’ve got quite a collection in my refrigerator.

The highlight of my collection, and of Blair’s line of sauces, is the Original Death sauce.  This shit is, without a doubt, my favorite hot sauce EVER.  I’ve never found a sauce that comes anywhere near this stuff in terms of flavor.  It’s not the hottest sauce out there by any means, but it’s not supposed to be.  Rest assured, Blair’s makes much hotter sauces.  But this stuff is what I consider a “table sauce”, or a condiment.  Some sauces are best used as an additive when cooking, because they’re just ridiculously hot when tasted “full strength”.  Such is not the case with Blair’s Original.  It works anywhere you’d use any other hot sauce, only better.  Tacos, spaghetti, lasagna, burritos, grilled chicken, nachos….  These are all applications in which I’ve personally tested out this sauce.  In my opinion though, this sauce is made for pizza.  Seriously, throw some of this on your pizza and it becomes something entirely different.  It does add a considerable kick in terms of heat, but the true star of this sauce is the robust flavor.

Garlic and fresh peppers.  That’s the first thing that rocks your tastebuds.  If you don’t care for garlic, then pass on this sauce.  Because garlic is in full effect, fo sho.  And while tomatoes aren’t listed in the ingredient list, I’m tasting them.  However the taster interprets the flavors, there’s absolutely no denying that this sauce tastes fresh with a captial F.  I think that the rest of the letters in the word should be capital, as well.  So, it’s fresh with a capital F, R, E, S, and H.  That’s how fresh it is.  I want to use the word “fresh” a couple more times in this paragraph.  Suck on that, high school English teacher.  Back on track, perhaps?  Yes.  Blair’s Original has a flavor that is much more complex and eye-opening than most sauces.  There’s just so much going on, you can’t ignore it.  You might want to be careful when using this sauce on anything with a very mild or delicate flavor, because Blair’s sauce will slit said flavor’s throat and shove it out of the Captain’s chair, thus taking immediate command of the ship.  Don’t let that scare you away, though.  This sauce works well on foods with stronger flavors.  Don’t be shy, either.  Try a little bit of this on whatever pops up; you might be surprised.  In addition to the amazingly garlicky garlic, you’ll find habanero, cayenne, and chipotle peppers are present and accounted for.  Vinegar, lime juice, cilantro and “herbs and spices” round out the ingredient list.  I’ve come close to believing that by “herbs and spices”, they mean crack cocaine.  I can’t get enough of this sauce.  Bonus for those who care about this kind of thing:  Blair’s uses no preservatives or artificial ingredients.  Another bonus:  The bottle comes with a nifty little skull keychain.

One thing that irks me about many hot sauces is that they’re too watery.  Not so with Blair’s.  It’s considerably thicker than your standard Tabasco or Frank’s sauce, but not so thick that it won’t pour out of the bottle.  The texture is thick and chunky, and has a tendency to keep it’s spicy ass where you put it.

In short, this is probably the best hot sauce ever made.  It’s hot (but not too hot), flavorful, fresh-tasting, and has a great texture.  It’s a little on the expensive side, but in the same way that a steak costs more than a McDonald’s hamburger.  Better product, higher price.  This stuff is worth every penny.  A 5 oz. bottle costs 6 to 8 dollars, depending on where you buy it.  And I won’t lie to you; you might go through the bottle pretty quickly.  I know I do.  I have to ration the stuff, or it’ll be gone in a week.  The day I hit the lottery, you’d better believe I’ll be buying this stuff by the case.

You can buy Blair’s Original Death sauce from their official website, or several other online stores.  I’ve also seen Blair’s sauces in specialty shops a few times.  Your best bet is to order it from the source, though.  Check out their website here.  In addition to the Original sauce, you’ll find a ton of other sauces, spice rubs, potato chips, and collector’s sauces.

Tabasco Habanero Sauce

I must preface this review by stating that I do not like the original Tabasco sauce.  Tabasco and Frank’s Red Hot are often compared side by side, and I’ll pick Frank’s every time.  Neither sauce is particularly hot to me, but I do enjoy some Frank’s once in a while.  But if Tabasco is the only thing on the table, I’ll usually pass.  I’m sure that the preceding text would make the thought of disowning me run through my father’s head, as he’s a devoted Tabasco fan.  I’m sorry, dad.  I hope we can move past this, dad.  ; )

That being said, I saw Tabasco’s Habanero variety on the shelf at Wal-Mart a while back.  It winked at me as I passed, and I pretended that I didn’t notice.  I wasn’t going to give in that easy.  There’s a lot to be said for playing “hard to get”, even when it comes with hot sauce.  I didn’t want Tabasco to think I was that easy.  Hot sauces the world over should know before we ever make contact that I’m not easily sold on new hot sauces.  I’ll admit, I’m polygamous with my sauces.  But I’m picky.  My main squeeze has long been Blair’s Original Death sauce.  That shit is delicious beyond compare, and I can’t begin to put into words how I feel about that stuff.  If it were possible, I’d be picking out a ring I can’t afford and writing vows right now in preparation for the upcoming marriage of Adam and Blair’s Original Death sauce.  It would be a summer wedding, somewhere outside with lots of trees around.  The wind would pick up at some point during the ceremony, and the veil on Blair’s wedding dress would come loose and blow away.  All in attendance would have a good laugh, and the professional wedding photographer would capture it all on film.  Our grandkids would think it was just as funny as we did.  Oh, dear.  I’m daydreaming again.   Was I writing a hot sauce review?  Yes, that’s right.

Anyway, I picked up this habanero sauce at Wal-Mart.  Are you beginning to see a trend in my product reviews?  Everything I buy comes from Wal-Mart.  The nearest Target is 40 minutes away, making it an incredible pain in the ass to shop there.  So, I’m stuck with Wal-Mart.  I don’t remember what I paid for the sauce, but it was similar in price to the other Tabasco varieties.  It was a tough decision to make, purchasing this sauce.  I normally wouldn’t pay for a Tabasco product, but the attractive box and the word “HABANERO” reeled me in.  I’m a sucker for spicy food products, and I took the bait on this one.  I’m happy to report that it wasn’t a waste.

Habanero peppers are most definitely present in this sauce.  Habaneros have a very distinctive flavor, but I can’t really describe it.  I’ve read descriptions of the flavor many times before, but they never really seem accurate to me.  Just try something with habanero peppers in it sometime, and then you’ll know.  The sauce seems thicker than the original Tabasco sauce, and has a different color.  It packs a significantly bigger punch than it’s original counterpart, as well.  Original Tabasco sauce clocks in at 2500-5000 on the Scoville heat scale, and the Habanero variety sits a bit higher at 7,000-8,000.  To give you an idea of where the two aforementioned sauces sit in comparison to my personal favorite, the Blair’s Original Death sauce boasts a hefty 30,000 on the Scoville scale, and is approximately six times hotter than a jalapeno pepper.  Click here for a really awesome chart detailing where many popular hot sauces and peppers fit in on the Scoville scale.  It’s really cool to compare, and learn how big of a wimp or badass you are regarding your tolerance for spiciness.

After testing out the Tabasco Habanero sauce in several different ways, I’ve come to a definite conclusion.  This shit is made for pizza!  I’ll be damned if any pizza doesn’t taste better with several drops of this sauce scattered about on it.  Now, I do have to say that the BEST sauce for pizza is the Blair’s Original Death.  But, since my bottle of Blair’s is currently in the mail, I’ll have to use the Tabasco Habanero for now.  I may even use it occasionally even when the Blair’s is in my refrigerator, just to keep the good stuff from disappearing too fast.  I’ll definitely be doing a review on the Blair’s when my bottle arrives.

Overall, I’m giving this sauce a thumbs-up.  I’m impressed, and pleased that Tabasco has created a sauce that I don’t turn my nose up at.  It smells good, tastes good, and is attractively packaged.  A good sauce all around, and not too hot.  Of course, if original Tabasco or Frank’s Red Hot is just right for you, then you obviously shouldn’t go for this variety.  But if you’re looking for a good sauce that will add a kick to your pizza without the heat getting lost in a sea of greasy cheese, give this one a try.